Analysis (Services and Self)

Koan Bremner's view on life as a database and data warehouse professional / addict and non-genetic woman

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Manic Monkey

This is one of those insufferably self-centred "I'm happy and I don't care who knows it" kind of posts. Well, if I've learned anything over the last few years, it's that you need to celebrate and remember the good times, because there'll be bad times, too; and if you have a history of Depression (as, sadly, I do) then the tendency is to forget the good and magnify the bad. So, in the spirit of keeping a record of the good moments as a bastion against the less good, here goes.

Work - I've written pretty extensively about the difficulties I've had over the past few months because of my failing memory. And of the support I've received from my colleagues. It is, frankly, humbling to me that they've stuck by me through periods when I'm sure I've been less use than ornament. Over the last few weeks I've felt definite signs of the old professional magic returning; with luck, this isn't yet another false dawn. And there's a human element to this, too; I suspect I've had my head stuck so firmly up my own backside as I've tried to work through these memory-challenged months that I've missed out on much of the inter-personal by-play that abounds at a company like Exony. For example, I noticed this week that my colleagues have been gradually changing their IM (Instant Messenger) nicknames to variations on a theme, the theme being monkeys; when did *that* start? Why did I not notice? Sad that I didn't notice *before*; encouraging that I have noticed *now*. (For the record, since one of my colleagues had already nabbed "SQL Monkey" and another had staked a claim to "OLAP Monkey", I flirted with "MDX Monkey", before realising that the vast majority wouldn't know what MDX was; so I have settled on "Multidimensional Monkey", for now, as you can read into that whatever you will.) Although, the way things have been progressing for me this week, the title of this post might be more appropriate... ;-)

Poker - as I mentioned here, seven of us played poker on Wednesday evening. What a great evening! I think we all had a thoroughly enjoyable time; I am not ashamed to admit that I was the first to lose my chips, bought myself back in, and promptly lost again! What I learned from this was that a) there's no point trying to bluff against people who don't know the odds, and b) I am way rusty. But I learned quite a lot about my fellow players, too; so, if this becomes a regular game, I hope they enjoyed the experience of winning against me, because they may not taste that pleasure too often... I hope! LOL

Apologies - I had the opportunity this week to apologise to someone who felt the thick end of the first flush of my hormonal temper a few months ago. Really, it was pretty lame of me not to have apologised properly before; but, I've done it *now*, and I'm so glad that I have. The person concerned had done me an extraordinary kindness and courtesy this week, and I was pleased to thank them for it, and to follow up with the apology. I think we both understand each other much better as a result; this can only be a good thing, in my opinion.

Documentary - just when I thought my stint in front of the camera was done, it turns out that there is the possibility of more screen-time; and in a way that would appeal to any girl who likes to be pampered. Like me! :-) So, I'll say no more on that subject at this point, other than I really hope it happens (not least because it means one or two of my friends will get their moment of fame, or infamy, too).

Feedback - on Friday, I received an email from someone who had just discovered podcasts, and somehow had stumbled across my "CrossOver" show. What they said in their email touched me to the core; and provided a perfect validation of why I should continue (for now, at least) to record those shows. My friend and colleague Vikram wrote recently on his blog as follows:

Another reason which I think keeps me away from blogging is a sense of insecurity to put myself out in public on the internet. This keeps eating my brains out as to who might comment on any kind of stupidity which may exists in the post. I may not find certain things stupid for myself, but I cannot comment on how others would/may/might react.

The best argument I can offer in favour of blogging is the effect that receiving an email like the one I have just mentioned. We each plough our lonely furrow through the field of life; and we just don't know how the details of how we plough our own furrow can impact others for the better. Had I taken the (understandable, I suspect) decision *not* to blog or podcast about certain aspects of my life, sure, I could have minimised the possible downside. But I can't even begin to describe the sense of fulfilment I have gained from the responses of others to what I have written or recorded. The small risk has been repaid many times over.

In addition, this weekend has seen some really cool events - but there's a common theme underlying *them*, and they deserve their own post...

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  • At 11:49 am, Blogger susan smith nash said…

    Koan -- These are wonderful posts!! Your compassion and insight are wonderful and encouraging. I love the entire range of the posts -- from the quiet introspective moments to the joyous and/or frustrated ones...

    I had to laugh at the office IM names - seems like a relatively easy-going office. At least they're not giving themselves names ending in "Shark" or "Piranha" ... ;)

    all best,


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